Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Playing with Spelling, Sounds and Semantics - Linguistics Humor

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle,
he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults:
Practice safe sects!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love it! Especially "Athiesm is a non-prophet organization".

phelonius monk said...

Love them all...real groaners, especially the butcher.

Anonymous said...

You aren't clever, original, or entertaining. Save this for bad jokes at Christmas dinner when everyone is so drunk they'll laugh anyway.

Laura Payne said...

Cheers to you Anonymous.

Not Anonymous said...

"You aren't clever, original, or entertaining." I agree "Anonymous", you aren't. Wordacious's post however, fulfills at least two of these important criteria that you lack.

Andy Hollandbeck said...

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

Dear Anonymous: By all means, don't let anyone else have any fun on the Internet!

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