Verbal Poetry

Excellent poem from Futility Closet.

One night an errant Werewolf fled His wife and child and visited A village teacher’s sepulchre And begged him: “Conjugate me, sir!”

The village teacher then awoke And standing on his scutcheon spoke Thus to the beast, who made his seat With crossed paws at the dead man’s feet:

“The Werewolf,” said that honest wight, “The Willwolf — future, am I right? The Wouldwolf — wolf conditional, The Beowulf — father of them all!”

These tenses had a pleasing sound, The Werewolf rolled his eyeballs round, And begged him, as he’d gone so far, Add plural to the singular.

The village teacher scratched his head; He’d never heard of that, he said. Though there were “wolves” in packs and swarms, Of “were” could be no plural forms!

There werewolf rose up blind with tears – He’s had a wife and child for years! But being ignorant of letters He went home thankful to his betters.

– Christian Morgenstern

Verizon Ad - Poor Word Choice and Semantically Conflicting Verb Tenses

From a Verizon magazine ad:

If your small business doesn't have tech people, it does now.

Sounds like a magic trick (a variation of "now you see it, now you don't") except in this case the trick is not having AND having tech people, both at the same exact time according to the wording.

The problem with the wording in this ad is that both occurrences of the verb "to do" are simple present tense versions and without the use of the deictic adverb now in both clauses, it appears that these contradictory notions occur together in time.

Suggestions for improved word choice:

Now your small business doesn't have tech people, now it does. (Deictic adverb directing temporal interpretation for both clauses)

If your small business doesn't have tech people, it will now. (Present tense followed by future tense)

If your small business didn't have tech people, it does now. (Past tense followed by present tense)

The Difference Between Lay and Lie - Past Tenses and Past Participles

Credit for the chart goes to Martha Brockenbrough. I could not have presented it more precisely myself.

Language Peeves - "Went Missing"

A reader recently commented that it really bothers him when news headlines report a missing person by using the phrase "went missing" instead of "is missing."

In regards to this language peeve, the difference between "went missing" and "is missing" is a bit more involved than one might initially think...not only are the verbs in the phrases different, the verb type and tense are different as well. These verbal differences result in semantic differences, and the choice of using one phrase rather than the other may or may not be intentional.

Went is the past tense form of the verb to go. To go is an action verb.

Is is a present tense form of the verb to be. To be is a verb of being that is considered a linking verb.

Semantically, action verbs imply that choice is involved because people choose their actions, whereas linking verbs simply form an association between a subject and its complement. So, saying that a person "went missing" implies that that person chose to go missing and saying a person "is missing" implies that there was not a choice and that whatever happened was against that person's will. Additionally, because went is past tense, "went missing" leaves open the possibility that the person is no longer missing.

The choice of using one phrase rather than the other may be intentional if the possibility exists that the missing person is on the lam or it could just be that a copywriter was lazy and didn't give much thought to the semantics of the chosen verb.

Shaked Rattled and Rolled

The other day my son said to me, "Mom, how do you spell shaked?"

I responded, "S-H-O-O-K."

He said, "No wonder it didn't look right."