I am definitely hiring this guy to write the ad if I ever sell a car on Craigslist.

1997 Jeep Cherokee  (XJ)

220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6 
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission 
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS!  Woo Hoo!

$1750

Here's the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee.  This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import.  It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It's a Jeep.  It rides like a Jeep.  It drives like a Jeep.  All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used.  This will be apparent in the pictures.


If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?  
Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
    -could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

DETAILS:
-I am the second owner.  First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil.  How much?  I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.  
    I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive.  Not enough to bother me.  
-It leaks a little oil.  How much?  Not enough for me to care.  It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
    If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it.  I dented it backing into a concrete pole.  Sober.
    We drove away giggling, for the record.  Haven't fixed it.
-Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak.  Pinhole.  I can replace the radiator or you can.  Really doesn't matter
    A new radiator and hoses will run $145.  If you don't want to replace them I will.  
    Add $250 to the price of vehicle.  This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer).  A freaking bargain.
-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ. 
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly 
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles.  I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
    Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
    Life got in the way - it ain't happening.  
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay.  My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well.  They kick ass, so there.  

QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
    I can't justify owning it anymore.  Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
    Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is:  awesome mechanical artistry.

-What's wrong with it?
    Radiator.  Small oil leaks.  Driver's side door cosmetic issues.  
    And it's pissed it has been neglected and parked.  It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?
    Hell yes.  Like a Dickensian Orphan.  

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
    No.  I'm not in the salvage business.  Buy the Jeep.  Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
    No.  If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
    Want a cheap car?  Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.  
    I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad mofo.

-Why is it still stock?
    Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
    I haven't had the time to do so.  So I am selling it.

-Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
    I don't give a shit.  But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
    Hell.  Yes.  Not only a good car, a learning experience.  Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
    Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?
    Within reason.  I'd drive it a hundred miles or so.  But really, you should come get it.  Look it over.  Have a beer.  Etc.

-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
    Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
    No.  I'll take Cash.  Period.  Bring cash or don't show.

-Will you ship to -?
    No.  See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
    That's great, I don't give a shit.  Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.  
    Why?  Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty.  Truth be known, I'd rather keep it.
    But if it's going to a good home - I will sell.  Unless you're an asshole - then no sale.

-Why are you such a dick?
    Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.

Via Craigslist  

Subway's Poor Portmanteau Choice

Am I the only one who has a problem with the name of Subway's new menu item?

There are just too many options for the phonetic realization of the neologism.

To start with, where are the syllable breaks? Is it fla/ti/za or flat/iz/a? Which syllable should be stressed? Also, if it is made to rhyme with pizza, it sounds like either fla/teets/a or flat/eets/a, depending on the syllable break.

I get that it is a portmanteau of flatbread + pizza. But it sure is a phonetically problematic portmanteau.

Mass and Count Nouns - brought to you by Meijer

This is one of two themed billboards that has been peppering Michigan expressways this spring.

The other looks almost identical, save for the final noun phrase which replaces fewer stops with less run-around.

I don't think it is any coincidence that the two separate billboards always seem to appear within a few miles of each other. Meijer's advertising agency copywriters certainly know the difference between mass and count nouns. Funny thing is, I am not a frequent Meijer shopper, so I can't recall whether their check-out lanes are labeled X number items or less, or X number items or fewer.

Wine, Texting and Acronyms

Does drinking wine turn texting abbreviations into acronyms?

This is what I saw as I turned the corner at the grocery store the other day - 

Even if I had been drinking, I am not sure I could have pronounced "GR8RW" as an acronym. Sure, "GR8" is a texting abbreviation (semiotics included) for "great" and "RW" is an initialization for "red wine", but an acronym these two do not make.

Of course I had to look up this new wine when I returned home. 

What I found left me even more confused (and I still hadn't had a drink).

From the ad copy: "...created without taking any shortcuts." "No abbreviations necessary."

Sounds Like ... Word Spoonerism

What a profound way of switching sounds and words around to create a clever and appropriate advertisement.

This is just one ad from the new campaign but it is certainly my favorite.

I love the way the verb and adverb from the original proverb play with each other to become a verb and noun phrase.

Tim Hortons Gets Brownie Points for Word Play

Tim Hortons is advertising a limited-time Caramel Chocolate Brownie Iced Capp Supreme. The tagline for the campaign is "Brownie Points for Caramel".

The above image is from the Tim Hortons website which includes this description of the beverage: "It's our famous Iced Capp made with creamy caramel flavor, rich chocolate whipped topping and a decadent brownie crumble."

I noticed one of the campaign billboards a week or so ago and, I must say, the tagline is one of the best I have seen in quite a while.  I absolutely love the fact that Brownie points is open to both the figurative and literal interpretation.

Brownie points: a notional mark of achievement, or kudos for performing some creditable act.

toast points: triangular pieces of toast, often without the crust, used as the base of hors d'oeuvres and canapés.

Okay, so the brownies may not actually be points, but I can certainly imagine that some of the crumbles are in the shape of triangles.

Always Your Flavorite

Burnett's Flavored Vodkas may have launched the "Always Your Flavorite" advertising campaign over a year ago, but I just saw one of the billboards for the first time last week. Perhaps the campaign is new to Michigan.

The company's press release stated that "the campaign includes a large scale consumer and trade advertising and outdoor campaign." This makes me wonder why, even if the campaign is new to Michigan, I couldn't find one image from the campaign on the internet.

Either way, something about the slogan didn't sit right with me.

I get the portmanteau of  flavor + favorite; that doesn't bother me, though it is nothing spectacular. So, it must be something to do with the adverb always or the possessive determiner your.

I will start with the possessive determiner your. Flavored or not, I have never had Burnett's vodka so nothing about it has to do with me. The same idea applies to the adverb always. Having never had Burnett's, it could not always be anything to me. Even if I had had the vodka, the history on Heaven Hill's website indicates that they did not launch Burnett's Vodka until 1991. I was of the legal drinking age before then and I have always preferred Absolut or Stoli (both of which have long made flavored vodkas).

Off the top of my head, I came up with a couple of alternatives (mind you, I have not done any trademark research).

Retaining the deictic nature of the message but adding an appropriately suggestive spin  -

Your New Flavorite 

And another playful, idiom-based suggestion -

Play Flavorites

Which can easily incorporate a positive reminder -

And Play Safe; Don't Drink and Drive.

Speed Reading Not Required

Some people read faster than others.

It's not the speed that matters, it's that you do it.

Either way, this is a fun challenge. I now know that I read 769 words a minute and I could read The Grapes of Wrath in 3 hours and 40 minutes (it sure seemed torturously longer than that in high school).

Source: Staples eReader Department

Thank you to I Have Seen The Whole Of The Internet for bringing this test to my attention.

Thank you also to Staples for their innovative e-reader marketing.

Hard Luck Word Choice

As part of a vodka promotion, these coozies were given out at one of our local watering holes last week.

Something about the rhyming slogan is all over the floor for me.

If a vodka is so wonderfully flavored, I would think that people would want to "swill it" not "spill it".

swill:
v.tr. 1. To drink greedily or grossly.
v.intr. To drink or eat greedily or to excess.

Okay, maybe it is bartender lingo for pouring (i.e., "spill some of that vodka into my glass, please."), but I like the sound of "swill" better anyhow; its manner isn't stopped up.

Phrasal Templates in Advertising

Driving on the expressway recently, I passed a truck bearing a particular phrase. Most drivers would probably write it off as an eponymous company name and not give it any more thought. My language-loving, word-playing brain wouldn't let it go so quickly however. 

Image from: Rich Logistics

Above is what I saw, below is what I thought: 


Rich logistics, poor genetics
Rich logistics, poor athletics
Rich logistics, poor statistics
Rich logistics, poor aesthetics
Rich logistics, poor didactics
Rich logistics, poor schematics


And the list could go on and on.


These phrasal coordinations are based on the well-known and snowclone-able phrase "often imitated, never duplicated".


According to the Phrase Finder, "often imitated (but) never duplicated" has been "used in a lot of different ad copy back to the 1920's but it doesn't seem to have been a trademarked slogan exclusive to one product or company."


Snowclones of "often imitated, never duplicated" that I have seen include "big taste, small budget" and "cold beer, hot food". I'm sure there are many more too; so, please feel free to share additional examples in comments.


A semantic analysis of the snowclone: "desriptor + descriptee, desriptor + descriptee" 
Note: Descriptors in the coordinations must be antonyms


A syntactic analysis of the snowclone: "Adj + Noun, Adj + Noun" or "Adverb + Verb, Adverb + Verb"


My apologies to Rich Logistics; it is all in good fun. 

A Part of Speech That Can Be Inflected for Number...

are a verb. Oops, I meant to say," is a verb."

Am I the only one whose prescriptive side is bothered by this advertising campaign?

I think I might go to the KFC next door instead (assuming they know how to conjugate a verb).

Please pass me a Dorito while I am deciding. Though it could take a while; better pass me a handful of Doritos.

Image credit: Just A Thought

For the Language Loving Giants and Patriots Fans

As well as all sports fans and/or language enthusiasts, I present to you a compilation of language-related Super Bowl XLVI links.

Macmillan Dictionary the Super Bowl - definition

Wordnik Word Soup-er Bowl

The Wall Street Journal Words With Giants

The Wall Street Journal The NFL Has an 'L' of a Problem

The New York Times Fill-In | Super Bowl Ads (similar to Mad Libs)

Chicago Tribune A winning strategy for Super Bowl ads: Baby Boomers are the target demographic, experts say. So with that in mind, drop 'golden years' language and go with 'the good life.'

Forbes Super Bowl Commercials Are All Bang, No Buck (purchase-focused language)

Web Pro News Listen to the Super Bowl in 10 Languages

The American Association of People with Disabilities AAPD Applauds American Sign Language in Super Bowl

johnwalshcopy What’s In A Name? My “Tebow” Epiphany

22 Words And the winner for Best Super Bowl Commercial is…

And last but not least, from the winner of BostonGlobe.com's Cartoon Caption Contest -

If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, they're going to rename it "Eastah Island."

- Sidra Coleman, Nahant

P.S. If you enjoy sports and language, don't forget to check out Lew and Paul's Linguistics and Sports Page.

Further/Farther on up the Road

Lord knows the difference between further and farther has been covered on the internet too many times to count, but if a ballpark number helps to illustrate, consider the following google results:

"difference between further and farther" About 14,900,000 results (0.23 seconds)
"difference between farther and further" About 1,510,000 results (0.22 seconds)

Traditionally (and prescriptively), farther is used when referring to a distance of literal, physical movement and further is used when referring to a metaphorical distance or a degree.

I walked farther into the forest to delve further into the wonders of flora and fauna.

But Eric Clapton was not incorrect when he sang "Further on up the road, baby, just you wait and see."

Many consider the two words to be interchangeable in most uses. See here, here and here.

The reason I bring this up is that I saw the following brochure at the bank today.

Though I grew up instilled with the traditional differences in meaning, I have recently noticed that I am becoming more accustomed to the interchangeability of farther and further when referencing distances involving actual physical movement. I barely noticed the phrasing in the brochure.

There was also a poster at the bank from the "Go further" campaign that showed a couple behind the wheel of a boat. So the brochure and the poster both illustrated physical movement while using the word further.

Look how far fur has come in its non-figurative use.

Though I will say that I have quite a hard time with the reverse interchangeability. Using farther for metaphorical distances or degrees still sounds unnatural to me.

Book Review Briefs: Do You Make These Mistakes in English? The Story of Sherwin Cody's Famous Language School

"Do You Make These Mistakes in English? The Story of Sherwin Cody's Famous Language School" by Edwin L. Battistella
ʌv (1 caret up, 1 caret down)

A book for individuals who are curious about English language education and marketing, and how these two topics overlapped in the early 1900s.

As I have always been fascinated by the advertising industry and pretty much anything having to do with language, I was very excited to read this book. After reading it, I am sorry to report that it was a bit of a letdown.

There were many interesting facts about Cody's life and his approach to teaching, and it was fun to see some of the exercises from his course. Overall, however, I found the writing to be quite dry and repetitive in places. The book was not so much an entertaining look at history as a recitation of historical information.

Here is a description of the book from Oxford University Press:

In the early 1900s, the language of America was becoming colloquial English-the language of the businessman, manager, and professional. Since college and high school education were far from universal, many people turned to correspondence education-that era's distance learning-to learn the art of speaking and writing. By the 1920s and 1930s, thousands of Americans were sending coupons from newspapers and magazines to order Sherwin Cody's 100% Self-correcting Course in the English Language, a patented mail-order course in English that was taken by over 150,000 people.

Cody's ubiquitous signature advertisement, which ran for over forty years, promised a scientifically-tested invention that improved speaking and writing in just 15 minutes a day. Cody's ad explained that people are judged by their English, and he offered self-improvement and self-confidence through the mail.

In this book, linguist Edwin Battistella tells the story of Sherwin Cody and his famous English course, situating both the man and the course in early twentieth century cultural history. The author shows how Cody became a businessman-a writer, grammatical entrepreneur, and mass-marketer whose ads proclaimed "Good Money in Good English" and asked "Is Good English Worth 25 Cents to You?" His course, perhaps the most widely-advertised English education program in history, provides a unique window onto popular views of language and culture and their connection to American notions of success and failure. But Battistella shows Sherwin Cody was also part of a larger shift in attitudes. Using Cody's course as a reference point, he also looks at the self-improvement ethic reflected in such courses and products as the Harvard Classics, The Book of Etiquette, the Book-of-the-Month Club, the U.S. School of Music, and the Charles Atlas and Dale Carnegie courses to illustrate how culture became popular and how self-reliance evolved into self-improvement.

Don't shy away from reading the book if the description piques your interest; just be prepared for its lusterless nature.

Speaking of Trademarks, Maybe Chik-fil-A Should Start Serving a Kale-fil-A

Would you have a hard time distinguishing the source of a fast food chicken sandwich if a t-shirt company trademarked a phrase used on their t-shirts that promotes sustainable food?

In other words, if you saw this:

Would you think this:

Or this:

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office defines a trademark as "a word, name, symbol, or device that is used in trade with goods to indicate the source of the goods and to distinguish them from the goods of others."

Chik-fil-A released the following comments about the legal matter via PR Newswire.

ATLANTA, Dec. 5, 2011 /PRNewswire/ -- In 2006, we became aware of a Vermont company using the phrase "Eat More Kale" on T-shirts, which are sold on their website, www.eatmorekale.com. We have co-existed under these circumstances since 2006.

However, in August of 2011, the Vermont company submitted its application to trademark the slogan "Eat More Kale" for use and protection nationally. Because of this new development, we are required to protect "Eat Mor Chikin®," our own brand and trademark.

We support the entrepreneurial spirit of small business, and, in fact, our business model is founded on providing opportunity for small business owners. Every one of our 1,603 restaurants is owned and operated by a local business person who lives in and gives back to their community. Unfortunately, when protecting our trademark, the law does not allow us to differentiate between a large company or a small enterprise.

Our award-winning advertising campaign has been in place for the past 16 years, and we must legally protect and defend our "Eat Mor Chikin®" trademarks in order to maintain rights to the slogan. It is not uncommon for us – or for any corporation – to defend our trademark rights.

What do you think? Please share comments.

Image credits: sandwich, kale, billboard

Word Creation - Blimpworthy

If you are wondering which sporting event to watch this weekend, you may want to take the blimpworthiness factor of the options into consideration; Goodyear sure hopes you do.

Goodyear recently coined a new word in the name of marketing. Through the creative use of compounding and affixing, Goodyear wants sports fans to vote for the event they feel is most "blimpworthy" in a new series of ESPN online polls. By voting in the polls, sports fans help to determine which sports events the blimps will appear at on particular weekends.

More information about Goodyear and the polls here and here.

Word Status Decline

If you have ever wondered how a word can lose its hipness-status, along with its meaning, here is a clue:

Also, check out the full article titled "Hand-Crafted Hype: How ‘Artisan’ Food Became Forever Debased" at Grub Street New York for an enlightening account of how artisan became "irredeemably passé".

The Language of "X"

Fritinancy brought Lexicon Blog's post Understanding The “X” Factor to my attention through her October Linkfest.

It is a an informative and interesting post; however, I am surprised that a post written by Dr. Will Leben, Lexicon Director of Linguistics, neglected to mention that the letter "X" is used to signify an arbitrary lexical category in Chomsky's X-Bar Theory.

Image credits.

From Noun to Verb and Back Again

From David Soames Advertising

napkin
n. a small piece of table linen that is used to wipe the mouth and to cover the lap in order to protect clothing.
v. to wipe the mouth with a small piece of table linen.
napkining n. (gerund)

Additional linguistic observations
Ad 2 (lower left): Playing with ambiguity - triangle as shape or musical instrument.
Ad 3 (lower right): Potential portmanteau - equal + equilateral.

Pragmatics Cracks

Where is the crack?

It's all in the context.

From David Soames Advertising